On Your Mark!

I feel like a race car driver sitting at the starting line.  My engine is reved, everything is a go, the flag is about to drop and all of a sudden my check engine light comes on.  WTH!! I have the flu and I am supposed to be creating a baby tomorrow. All the signs are there that tomorrow is the day and my nurse and I both agree that it is not a good time to try, especially since I only have three left.  As I limp over to the pit, I know the race will start again in a few weeks but boy am I bummed! She is going to send the little guys back today when they arrive.  On the bright side it will give me another month to try to lose some weight and get off sugar and caffeine.  All the things I did when I conceived Baylor.  Everything has a bright side right? 

Pride Fest 2010

Lori had the day off today and we went to Pride Fest in a nearby town.  Our fair city has a fest in July too but one it is stinking hot in July, two it is very crowded, and third the protesters come out in force and can be heard throught the park.  This fest is in June which is only slightly cooler but has lots of trees.  It is not as crowded and I think there were 4 protesters or less.  And we found an entrance at the other end and there were zero prosters!!  Anyway, we met up with my friend who told us she locked her keys and everything else in her car. Baylor and I drove her home to get her spare key but she had to break into her house to get it!  We came back, dropped her at her car and looked for a new parking space for us. I found a nice one on a side street under huge trees which kept the car nice and cool.  It was walking back that we found the other entrance. The mounted police where there and Baylor wanted to touch the horse until he got close to one. It was a huge horse!!

Baylor looked great in his new tie dye shirt.  Lori has requested matching shirts next year. I am not sure about that, it might look gay or something.  He pushed his stroller around and had a blast.  His sandels have squeakers in them and everyone always loves to hear him walk.

We tried to keep the hat on as he is so fair but it was on again, off again the whole day. 

There was a park in the back of the fest and Baylor enjoyed the slides and the swings!   Mama is waiting at the bottom.

When we got home, Lori headed out to pick up her latest craigslist purchase, a new bed.  Baylor has never slept in his crib and we are hoping when the time comes, sleeping in a car will be most enticing!  Right now it is fun to play on in the living room.  He told it bye bye car when we went to bed tonight. 

Yesterday Eddy went home with Lori's mom for another 6 weeks.  She feels she needs more time to rest and recover it is better there without Baylor running her ragged.  Bye my love see you in July!

Sigh

So here I am 10 days into my cycle and I called my cryobank to place my order.  Imagine my suprise when the lady tells me there are only 6 vials of my donor left, and not in the prepartion I need!!! I would need two vials for a cycle which means I only have 3 trys to give Baylor a full sibling.  When I called in April they had 23 vials of the right stuff and they cannot tell me what happened to it.  Donor 2623 has not donated since 2006 and there is no chance to get more.  I hung up the phone crying and called my nurse for help.  She helped me figure out what we need to do and I called the bank back and ordered all 6.  If I don't use them I can sell them back to them.  I hate crying at work and that is what I did for over an hour.  I could not even call Lori because she was on her way back from her parents with her mom in the car and would not have been able to talk about it. 
I know I can pick another donor if I need to and I know genes don't make a family.  I know I am hung up on a full sibling for my son because part of me feels I have already taken away his 'dad' and I wanted him to have someone else in the world he is related to when I am gone.  If we decide to change donors and continue trying, I will be fine with that.  If we decide to stop trying and have an only child, I am fine with that. If we decide to stop trying and try to adopt, I am fine with that.  But I need to exhaust my first option before I can mentally move on to the next option.  So much to think about. 

A New Beginning

Right now we are trying to create a new addition to our family and today is the start of a new cycle.  I took a break in May and am on track for June.  The whole process is filled with anticipation and excitement. I have dreams of being pregnant and dreams of milk flowing from me for my new little one.  Baylor will pat my belly and say Baby.  Of course I will have to look at it as pregnant until proven otherwise but I will be looking for the same 'signs' I had when I conceived Baylor.  This will be my third attempt and Baylor was on my third attempt with the Ob's assistance. Of course I am over two years older now and nearly closer to 40 than 39 so that is a concern.  After Baylor was born I lost the baby weight in two weeks.  I think it was all baby and fluid.  Since then I have put on more weight which is also a concern.  I have been trying to figure out and deal with my emotional issues with food.  I know I feed every emotion other than hunger because I don't think I ever let myself get hungry.  As with anything worth having, there is a lot of struggle along with it.  This month will be another adventure and hopefully, possibly the start of a grand new adventure.  
 

Home Alone

Last week we had Baylor's 18 month photos taken. When I was the same age we had just moved to Nevada from Germany where I was born. My dad was in the Air Force. I have a photo of me in a Dirndl and it is hanging at my parents house even now. If I could figure out the scanner, I would post that too but I will have to leave that for another day. The is by far my favorite of the session and it made me cry looking at it. He has grown so much and so fast!!


I was happy he crossed his hands because he drooled on his shirt the second after we took the bib off to prevent drool marks. When does the drooling end?



We borrowed the hat from a friend and although we could not get him to stand up in the outfit without instantly running off, you can get a good idea of the outfit. I bought it online and it was not that expensive for leather pants, shirt, and socks.

My parents watched Baylor on Friday as Mrs B had the day off. They took him for a car ride which he loves. He melted my Dad's heart by sitting in is lap for an hour while Dad read books and then Baylor fell asleep in his arms. He said he was a joy to watch. That is pretty big coming from my dad. Saturday we went to a picnic and Baylor sat on a board bridge and hung his feet in a creek. Sunday we went to my cousin's because her dad was home for a visit. Baylor road one of those cars with an accelerator and he did not run into anything or wreck. Not bad for his first time behind the wheel. Monday was a holiday so I was off with with Lori and Baylor. That does not happen often since I work during the week and she works a 3 day weekend shift. I put an under the bed tote in the yard and filled it with water. He was more interested in dipping out the water and dumping it on the plants than playing in it. He really loved playing with the hose and power washing his castle and the swing. And me.

Back to the post title, the painters started this morning to work on the house. We are having the stairwell, hall, living room, and kitchen/dining room painted. Lori and Baylor went to visit her parents, where our dog is currently staying, until Thursday when the painting should be done. Hopefully the house will air out as they are painting so it is not too bad. I am home alone and not sure what to do with myself. There are always the dishes I suppose! Not.