Life Celebration

 

Sunday February 24 was Molly's Life Celebration at her church in Mountville.  Lori was able to take the day off to join me.  After her shower, Baylor wanted to help her with her new hair style.  She had her hair cut and had highlights put in last week.  Since it is a new style for her and this was her first day styling it Baylor jumped in to help her.  Between the two of them, they made her hair all purdy again. 

 

 

We drove to Mom's house to pick up Mom and drop off Baylor. I did give him the choice of going to the funeral, with an explanation of what that was in case he forgot, or staying at home with Buddy.  Not that my dad did not know Molly and actually I never asked him if he would have wanted to go to the celebration, but I just assumed he would not be going.  Looking back, that was a bit rude of me.  But Baylor chose to stay with Buddy.  When we got there Baylor changed into shorts to be like Buddy.  Dad has been wearing shorts for a while now this winter.  He is kind of vague as to why and just says they are comfortable.  Baylor also brought his cape we made on Saturday.  (Cullen was over for a play date and had a cape on his shirt. Baylor brought me a yellowed t-shirt and I cut it to make a cape).  He ran back and forth showing me how it flew behind him. 

 

I had an emergency tie dye session last week to make us all new shirts.  I had made Molly several tie dye shirts and socks over the years. At the church her brother was even wearing one of them he found in her dresser.  Mom even wore one.

 

We took a few photos while we were at the house. 

 

Back to the celebration.  Lori, Mom and I headed out but not before Baylor had to remind me we were going to a funeral.  I guess we were not leaving him fast enough so he could get to his boy time with Buddy.  I had been to the church before a year or so ago so I knew where it was.  We walked into the lobby and it was packed.  Her friend Linda found me and we hugged and talked a bit. We walked around the room to see the tables packed with photos, photo boards, memorabilia from her house and her life.  I had mailed Linda a few of my photos of Molly and they were able to use some and we found a few surprise photos of us Molly had at her house.  They had her rainbow slippers I had bought her.  The tie dye shirts and a pair of socks.  Plants, rocks, writings.  Copies of recipes she had sent into Gooseberry Patch and were published (both of them given to her by me. In fact our old boss at the job where we met was there and I told her one of those recipes was one she had given me)  We saw photos from all times in her life and it was wonderful.  I meet her brother Andy and her sister in law Tammie.  I meet Sharon and Sue, two friends from way back who were the name sakes to Molly's cats, Sharon and Sue.  I met Michael, her gay artist friend who lives in NYC.  He was also her escort to Homecoming when she was elected Homecoming Queen.  I talked to Linda again, her good friend from high school.  They had reconnected in the last 10 or so years and were like peas and carrots again.  Molly was always telling me where they were going, their nights at Molly's Place Pub listening to Sal play, having a drink and a good time.  I met Sal, the last person I know she had a bit of a crush on. I asked Linda if she thought Molly knew she was that sick and both her and Sue thought she was just in denial.  She had been healthy for so long I don't think she wanted to believe it had become so bad.  None of us did. But we think the fall and breaking her leg made it all happen faster than it would have had she not broken her leg. 

 The celebration started at 2:00 with a few words from the minister, a prayer, a song (I'll Fly Away, one of my favorites) a reading of scripture that Molly related to and a song sung by the choir she was a part of, Sal played a song on the piano and sang, the minister made a parallel between a geode and Molly (kind of dry (humor) and rough and closed up until you were able to break through and then she sparkled for everyone).  Then people were able to speak.  Her brother Andy spoke first.  He first thanked everyone for coming, for sharing in the celebration of his sister.  He said he was going through her house looking for her will and other papers and how if you have ever been to her house you know what a job it was.  He said he found this writing on her coffee table.  He did not know what it was for and it was pretty rough but he thought it would be good to read at the service.  It started with a quote for a magnet in my kitchen, "The barns burnt down, now I can see the moon".  I bought it in VT on the trip we wrecked our car and I needed something positive.  I was surprised to hear it being quoted.  She went on to write she always imagined an old geezer on his porch saying it and what it meant to him.  But the more she thought about it the barn could be the walls we build up around us. And when we allow the walls to come down, we let others see inside and we get to see the inside of other's. She said it much better than I did but that is what I can remember.  Several friends spoke and most of them even had it written out.  No matter when the story took place, everyone could relate because Molly was always Molly.  I remember one friend mentioned it did not matter how long they went between seeing Molly, things picked up right where they left off when they were back together.  It was so true. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of tears.  While the choir sang another song, we were invited to hang Christmas balls on a ficus tree that had red paper hands already on it.  Some of the were Molly's hands from another church service in the past.  Every year Molly would paint the inside of glass Christmas balls to sell for fund raisers so it was something special to her that she had requested. 

After the celebration, we went downstairs for snacks and drinks.  We went down  for a bit but since we really do not know many of her friends we did not stay very long.  I talked to Andy and he asked me if I knew about the letter/essay he had read and I told him I had no idea.  But we had not been to her house in a while and she had never mentioned it.  We talked to Karen and Tiny and promised to get together soon.   It was almost 3:30 when we left and headed home to pick up Baylor.  Mom said it was the best service she has ever gone to and she was glad she went.  Seeing all the people there for Molly made Mom think about when her mom died, there were no friends there.  But Grandma had moved to Springfield, MO when she was not able to live alone in AZ.  She did not drive and did not go out with out my Aunt or cousin.  When she went to the nursing home, she was not in a state to socialize.  All her friends that were still alive were in AZ and not able to travel to MO for her funeral.  I believe her ashes were sent to AZ or my aunt took them there to be placed in the vault with my grandpa.  It got me to thinking that since we are not church people we most likely would not have a church full of people at our service's either.  Molly also lived in the same area most of her life and had friends going back to grade school.  Mom had friends from grade school but they live all over the US.  I can go only as far as eight grade.  But that does not matter really.  If I treat my friends as well as Molly did, I hope my friends will show up to celebrate me.

His Grandma's Schnitzel

Saturday morning Baylor started his second Preschool swimming lessons.  He was excited to go and seemed to have a good time at class. When the instructor came around to take attendance, she asked me if I named him after the University.  I told her it was from a movie but I was nice I could get stuff for him that says Baylor.  She laughed and said she was from TX, which would explain how she knew about BU her in PA.  After class we headed to Grandma's for an Aunt's Meeting.  Along the way I glanced over to the side of the road and saw two hawks with in two eye blinks.  Molly always gave me her hawk count on her drive to our house.  So I knew she was with us at that time. 

Everyone was already eating and talking when we arrived late. I love seeing everyone every month.  I did not get to visit very much because he had a melt down for some reason soon after we arrived.  I held him on the couch trying to comfort him while also trying to talk to my cousins about life and such.  After everyone left we went to find some white tee shirts and pick up photos to send to Molly's friend to use at the funeral.  The shirts need to be tie dyed by Sunday for the funeral also.  I am not sure if we are taking Baylor or not but he will have a shirt either way.  We found an inexpensive dart gun for Baylor and of course all was well in his world again.  We dropped him and the gun off with Buddy while Mom and I continued shopping.  Baylor was shooting the bad guys on the TV when we came back home. 

For dinner I had requested schnitzel and I brought the pork loin to make it with. In the spirit of the Cooking Channel show My Grandma's Ravioli I want to share my food memories of my childhood with my son.   Mom made Baylor a new apron with a towel we picked up last time we visited.  He loved it right away and of course wanted to help out in the kitchen. I cut the loin into slices and Grandma showed him how to pound them very thin.  He did a wonderful job and as usual was very encouraging of our efforts also.   

 

 

Mommy, clean my hands!

 

It was a lot of meat and he had a lot of work to do. 

 

But he pounded on and finally it was time to bread the cutlets.  He chose the flour station which was also the cleanest, at least at first.  He again did a great job and most of the flour staying on the meat but some made it too the floor. 

 

Grandma started in the egg and breading station but ending out as the fryer so I had to put down the camera and step it.  Making schnitzel is a vivid food memory for me and I loved adding this memory with me two favorite cooks. 

 

Buddy came in to check on the progress and pick on the chefs. 

 

Grandma took a photo of Baylor's flour hands and me as his egg and breading assistant.  We had such a good time. 

 

And he even cleaned up the flour on the floor. 

 

And finally, dinner was ready.  Dad and I had the fried cabbage and Baylor stuck to safer foods like salad and cucumbers.  He did not even want to eat the schnitzel.  He said he made if for the three of us and all he would try was a tiny bite.  So much for the theory that if they make it, they will eat it. 

 

In the morning we were making eggs.  He usually cracks the eggs for me with a spoon and I break them open.  Not this morning.  He wanted to do it himself.  He was as gentle and as firm as he needed to be to crack and egg and I showed how to push in this thumbs into the crack, pull open and dump out the egg.  We did not lose any eggs to the counter or floor. Notice we both had to wear aprons in the morning. 

 

And then he scrambled.  But he also realized he does not like scrambled eggs and he was off to find an egg white he would eat.  He still does not like the yellow of the egg and I have never figured out where that came from. 

 

After breakfast we went outside and picked up the sticks in the yard.  Buddy is still in recovery from his knee replacement in January and he really cannot be out in the cold and bending over as needed to pick up sticks.  We are trying to teach Baylor that money does not grow on trees and the reason we have to work is to make money.  So if he wants something, he needs to work, make money, and either buy said want or save the money.  Buddy said he would pay him $2.00 to pick up the sticks.  Let me tell you, it was below 30 degrees, windy, slightly overcast, and bloody cold.  We had to take a break between trees.  But after the cocoa, a new hat and gloves, he was out to conquer the sticks.  There was a lot of encouragement from Mommy to stay focused but we got the job done.  And then we drew the sun on the driveway. 

 

 

 

And no visit to Grandma's would be complete without bubbles.  Apparently it has to colder than 28 to freeze bubbles.

 

We headed home and Meme and Pap arrived not long after we did.  We needed some plumbing done downstairs and Pap was finally feeling well enough to make the trip.  The cold has been hard on them this year and we were glad to see them.  Pap walked inside first and Baylor's first question was, "Where's Meme?"  He was in Meme heaven again.  In the morning I started a batch of bread dough to make cinnamon bread.  I just had a hankering for it and by the time I was ready to roll out the dough, Baylor and Meme were done with breakfast and he wanted to help.   They rolled and patted out the dough.  He used a sifter to add the sugar and cinnamon and Meme smoothed it.  They added the plumped craisins and we all rolled it up. 

 

Baylor cut it into three loaves and 45 minutes later we all had a slice or two of yummy bread with a cinnamon and craisin filling.  It was awesome.  

 

I sent one loaf home with Meme and Pap but there is only one slice left on the one we cut into earlier in the day.

 

While Lori and Pap napped on the couch, I did a craft with Baylor and Meme.  Just something to do and a craft to share with Meme.  We tie dyed some large coffee filters using liquid water colors and pipettes. 

 

 

Baylor send half of them home with Meme and I think next time we will cut them out into Easter eggs.  I am in the tie dye mood because we will be wearing our tie dyes next weekend to honor Molly.  Sunday the 17th was her 58th birthday. 

 

 

It was a wonderful family weekend!

 

Valentines

 

Since Baylor is in school we, I, had fun making Valentine gifts for the 19 kids on the list they sent home last week.  Of course Pinterest was my best friend in helping me find easy and cute ideas for gifts.  I am pretty sure they ended up a bit over the top but once I get started on this stuff I cannot stop until we run out of supplies.  We started with sugar wafers, pink candy coating, and various Valentine sprinkles.  Baylor was interested for about five minutes but was a great assistant in that time. I melted the disks in a coffee mug in the microwave.  It made the dipping pretty easy even for a four year old.

 

 

And then we applied the sprinkles. 

 

And two packs of wafers later, we had these beautiful treats for the kids. 

 

And I dipped little pretzels in pink or chocolate coating and sprinkles. 

 

And finally we dipped pretzel rods in chocolate and then drizzled pink on them.

 

 

 

For me, we made pretzel s'mores.  I give up chocolate for Lent so I had to eat as much as I could to get through it!

 

For the treat bags I made leaf tags with the child's name on one side and Baylor's on the other.  I used the leaf and the cute cherry lollipops as a bag topper. 

 

Each bag has two wafers, two small pretzels, one pretzel rod, and the lollipop. I had to take them to the school yesterday so they could get all the Valentines together for each child. 

 

And earlier this week was Fat Tuesday and I made my usual King Cake!  Yum. 

Dream a Little Dream of Me

 

Tonight I cannot get the first lyrics of a song out of my head.  

 

Stars shining bright above you
night breezes seem to whisper
I love you
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me.

 

No doubt because of my thoughts of my dear Molly, who is now a star in the endless sky. Have you ever seen the Disney movie, "The Princess and the Frog"?  She is like Evangeline and Raymond, stars in the sky for us to look up to, talk to, believe in, wish upon. 

 

  I am not a religious person and I don't know what happens to us in death.  Like most people, I really do not want to think about it but when I do I cannot help but feel we have a soul, a spirit, an energy that makes us who we are on this earth.  Something has to animate this body of mine, a collection of chemicals and elements and a lot of water.  Another quote that has stayed with me for years goes something like, "Stars have died so that I could live".

The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics:
You are all stardust.
You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements — the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution — weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way they could get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.  Lawrence Krauss
 

I like to think we are made of stars and when we are done here, we can go home.  It is not as simple as that but I do think our energy goes on, back into the pool if we want to come back or move on or we can continue on as who we are looking out for those we left behind. 


Anyway,  January kind of came and went and I did not blog much.  Blame it on early onset Seasonal Affected Disorder or just laziness.  But we did visit Molly when she was in rehab for her broken hip.  She fell putting away at table after Christmas Eve service at her church.  She was in the bell choir and they were cleaning up.  The table was heavy and started to fall over. It caught her coat and she went down with it and knew she broke her hip when it happened.  She went to the hospital that night and on Christmas they did the surgery to fix her leg.  She called us that evening to tell me where she was and that she would not be able to make it for New Years this year.  She went to rehab for about a week and a half.  We visited on a Saturday and brought her the Christmas gifts we had for her since we always have Christmas at our New Years.  She loved her Sock Monkey sheets, rainbow socks, and assorted lavender items.  We both love lavender, fresh stems and scented items.  We both agreed on what was a good lavender scent and what was fake.  We both nailed it when we bought each other lavender items. 

 

Baylor loved her grabber she had in rehab.  It kept him playing there for longer then he would have without it to entertain him. 

 

We had a nice visit with her that day.  She was there for about a week and a half and then went to her brother's to finish her hip recovery.   The last day I spoke to her she was hoping to be home by February 9.  But apparently, things went downhill very fast in the last two and a half weeks, until this morning.  I am glad to have her as a friend.  She was there for me when I was living through a rough relationship and gave me advice I have passed on to several others.  She always let me know she would be there for me when I came through on the other side of the relationship drama.  I hope now she will be there for me on the other side when it is my turn to join the stars. 



Molly is now a Star

Karen called us at 6:30 this morning to tell us Molly became a star around 1:30 this morning.  Lori visited her yesterday and told her it was ok to let go and Karen said she had done the same later that day.  I guess she heard them.  Farewell my Molly!  We will be looking for you in the night sky. 

Stars are falling all around me

I am not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star.
Sojourner Truth

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

When I don't know what to say or how to wrap my thoughts around something, I turn to quotes from those that have the ability to put words in an order that makes sense to me.  Right now I feel death is all around me and I don't know how to think about it.  I can go weeks, months, even years without death being near but lately, right now, it is every where.  From beloved animals who are furry members of our families to beloved friends that you cannot imagine not being around.  Pragmatically I know death is a part of life. One line from a poem in high school has been with me over the years, "The paths of glory lead but to the grave." Thomas Gray.  It is always in the back of my mind when I think of death, mine or of the loss of others.  It does not matter what happens in life, it all ends the same.  But it does matter what we do, how we treat others, how we love and fight and care and hurt.  My thoughts are all over the place right now.  We visited Molly yesterday.  She knew we were there but is not responsive unless it is direct questions with just a simple answer. Her friend Karen was already there visiting and had been there Monday also.  I am glad she was there because I am not sure I would have lasted very long by myself after Baylor and Lori left.  Baylor was hungry and loud and four and she groaned pretty loudly at one point so Lori took him out to grab some food and have a picnic in the car.  He does not understand and was having a rough day anyway.  Molly's sister also showed up for few minutes and I gave her my number.  No one knows how to get a hold of me and since I don't live in Lancaster, I won't see anything in the paper.  She was not able to provide much insight into anything other than with the liver not working, toxins were building up in Molly's body and brain.  They are kind enough to muddle the brain so if she was in any pain, she would really not perceive it.  She did say it may only be days until she passes.  And she has many visitors, which is a good and bad thing.  She is not getting much rest (why she needed that at this point I was not sure) but then she was not alone often either (which is a good thing in my opinion).  I wanted to tell her so much but the words really would not come.  I was able to tell her I love her but other than that, I don't know what else I said.  I know I had Baylor tell her a few things as I held her hands.  He told her about school and he told her he loved her.  She did tell him she loved him too and later after he was gone, she did ask where he was.  I don't know if it was because the room was quiet again or she wanted him around.  I was there for about an hour and Karen and I left at the same time.  Molly was asleep and I just kissed her forehead and told her I would see her soon. 

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. ~Alice Walker 

Or fresh lavender in Molly's case.

When I got home I picked up my phone and I had text from Tara that Caemon, a sweet little boy I only know in the blogland, had passed earlier that day.  He has been battling leukemia for months and had a relapse the end of January. I cannot imagine their pain.  I cannot imagine how they are breathing today.  I have been reading the blog posts of other moms who knew him in life and in blogging.  Friends I have on FB that I did not know were also connected to this family posted about him passing.  It just makes the world seem so much smaller reading about how his passing is effecting so many people.     

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. ~Marcel Proust

I hope death finishes his work around here quickly and leaves.  I know that means he will be off bothering someone else, and I really do not wish that one anyone, but I have had enough for a while. But I know this is not over, and it will never be. 



Go Ravens!

Super Bowl Sunday means a trip to Bob's for good food and some football.  I really could care less about football, but I do like food!  Bob, my work wife or the guy I have been sitting across from for 9 years, puts out a lot off delicious food and the guest bring something to add to the party.  I usually bring dessert and this year I made brownie bottom caramel cheesecake.  I did not read the recipe for the brownie part and just made it according to the back of the box.  I am not sure where my head was but it worked out OK, just not as dense and chewy as it could have been.  Baylor did not nap that day and of course fell asleep in the car on the way to Bob's, which is about 18 minutes from our house.  It did not take him long to wake up and find Maddy to play with.  They see each other once a year and don't remember each other yet but they play well together.  She turned four today February 4.  She has a little brother Steven who is two.  The two kids made up several games to entertain each other. Which was nice as I was eating smoked ribs, mac and cheese, pasta salad, and various dips and appetizers. 

 

 

Then the kids found the dog toys and brought them all to Bob's Golden Retrievers and the Pom-mix they have.  The little dog did not like the kids especially Baylor.  He also lost a finger to that nippy one but we figured out how to avoid him and all was well after that. 

 

I have never ventured into the basement so this year we went down to check it out.  Baylor was taken by the pool table and I told him he had to ask Bob if he could play with it.  Bob was at his bar serving adult beverages as it was half time which is when the shots start.  Baylor went into the bar and was so cute trying to get Bob's attention to ask him if he could play with the pool table.  Bob is a happy drunk and happily told the kids they could.  All they wanted to do was bash the balls around anyway.

 

Maddy's Dad eventually put two bar chairs next to the table so it was easier for them to gather and roll the balls. 

 

When the lights were out in the stadium and Lori was falling asleep, we headed home.  Jen from work kindly took a few photos of us in our jerseys.  I had to wear it because they were playing otherwise I don't participate in the team spirit thing.  Lori reminded me that is was the last time the Raven's played in the Super Bowl that she asked me to marry her.  While we are married in VT, maybe soon we can be married for reals in the US.  Maybe. 

 

There is Bob!  Baylor was tired and did not want his photo taken so he was fighting it the whole time. 

 

So I carried him off in he preferred method, hanging from his feet. 

 

See the little dog eyeballing Baylor?  He wanted some of him! 

 

Maddy wanted her photo taken also.  Her parents were smart and brought jammies.  Baylor was asleep before we left Bob's neighborhood. 

 

We put him on the couch while I finished watching the game. Not that I really cared but it is Lori's team.  It was a good final quarter and I was worried they would not keep their lead but they did!   I woke her up for the last 10 seconds, which in football time is about 5 minutes long. She sort of saw them win.  And then I dressed Baylor in his jammies and we all headed to bed. Baylor wore his Ravens shirt to school today and the teachers told Lori they liked his shirt. It does have his name and year of birth on the back! As does mine.  Hopefully I won't have to wear it again next year though!