His Grandma's Schnitzel

Saturday morning Baylor started his second Preschool swimming lessons.  He was excited to go and seemed to have a good time at class. When the instructor came around to take attendance, she asked me if I named him after the University.  I told her it was from a movie but I was nice I could get stuff for him that says Baylor.  She laughed and said she was from TX, which would explain how she knew about BU her in PA.  After class we headed to Grandma's for an Aunt's Meeting.  Along the way I glanced over to the side of the road and saw two hawks with in two eye blinks.  Molly always gave me her hawk count on her drive to our house.  So I knew she was with us at that time. 

Everyone was already eating and talking when we arrived late. I love seeing everyone every month.  I did not get to visit very much because he had a melt down for some reason soon after we arrived.  I held him on the couch trying to comfort him while also trying to talk to my cousins about life and such.  After everyone left we went to find some white tee shirts and pick up photos to send to Molly's friend to use at the funeral.  The shirts need to be tie dyed by Sunday for the funeral also.  I am not sure if we are taking Baylor or not but he will have a shirt either way.  We found an inexpensive dart gun for Baylor and of course all was well in his world again.  We dropped him and the gun off with Buddy while Mom and I continued shopping.  Baylor was shooting the bad guys on the TV when we came back home. 

For dinner I had requested schnitzel and I brought the pork loin to make it with. In the spirit of the Cooking Channel show My Grandma's Ravioli I want to share my food memories of my childhood with my son.   Mom made Baylor a new apron with a towel we picked up last time we visited.  He loved it right away and of course wanted to help out in the kitchen. I cut the loin into slices and Grandma showed him how to pound them very thin.  He did a wonderful job and as usual was very encouraging of our efforts also.   

 

 

Mommy, clean my hands!

 

It was a lot of meat and he had a lot of work to do. 

 

But he pounded on and finally it was time to bread the cutlets.  He chose the flour station which was also the cleanest, at least at first.  He again did a great job and most of the flour staying on the meat but some made it too the floor. 

 

Grandma started in the egg and breading station but ending out as the fryer so I had to put down the camera and step it.  Making schnitzel is a vivid food memory for me and I loved adding this memory with me two favorite cooks. 

 

Buddy came in to check on the progress and pick on the chefs. 

 

Grandma took a photo of Baylor's flour hands and me as his egg and breading assistant.  We had such a good time. 

 

And he even cleaned up the flour on the floor. 

 

And finally, dinner was ready.  Dad and I had the fried cabbage and Baylor stuck to safer foods like salad and cucumbers.  He did not even want to eat the schnitzel.  He said he made if for the three of us and all he would try was a tiny bite.  So much for the theory that if they make it, they will eat it. 

 

In the morning we were making eggs.  He usually cracks the eggs for me with a spoon and I break them open.  Not this morning.  He wanted to do it himself.  He was as gentle and as firm as he needed to be to crack and egg and I showed how to push in this thumbs into the crack, pull open and dump out the egg.  We did not lose any eggs to the counter or floor. Notice we both had to wear aprons in the morning. 

 

And then he scrambled.  But he also realized he does not like scrambled eggs and he was off to find an egg white he would eat.  He still does not like the yellow of the egg and I have never figured out where that came from. 

 

After breakfast we went outside and picked up the sticks in the yard.  Buddy is still in recovery from his knee replacement in January and he really cannot be out in the cold and bending over as needed to pick up sticks.  We are trying to teach Baylor that money does not grow on trees and the reason we have to work is to make money.  So if he wants something, he needs to work, make money, and either buy said want or save the money.  Buddy said he would pay him $2.00 to pick up the sticks.  Let me tell you, it was below 30 degrees, windy, slightly overcast, and bloody cold.  We had to take a break between trees.  But after the cocoa, a new hat and gloves, he was out to conquer the sticks.  There was a lot of encouragement from Mommy to stay focused but we got the job done.  And then we drew the sun on the driveway. 

 

 

 

And no visit to Grandma's would be complete without bubbles.  Apparently it has to colder than 28 to freeze bubbles.

 

We headed home and Meme and Pap arrived not long after we did.  We needed some plumbing done downstairs and Pap was finally feeling well enough to make the trip.  The cold has been hard on them this year and we were glad to see them.  Pap walked inside first and Baylor's first question was, "Where's Meme?"  He was in Meme heaven again.  In the morning I started a batch of bread dough to make cinnamon bread.  I just had a hankering for it and by the time I was ready to roll out the dough, Baylor and Meme were done with breakfast and he wanted to help.   They rolled and patted out the dough.  He used a sifter to add the sugar and cinnamon and Meme smoothed it.  They added the plumped craisins and we all rolled it up. 

 

Baylor cut it into three loaves and 45 minutes later we all had a slice or two of yummy bread with a cinnamon and craisin filling.  It was awesome.  

 

I sent one loaf home with Meme and Pap but there is only one slice left on the one we cut into earlier in the day.

 

While Lori and Pap napped on the couch, I did a craft with Baylor and Meme.  Just something to do and a craft to share with Meme.  We tie dyed some large coffee filters using liquid water colors and pipettes. 

 

 

Baylor send half of them home with Meme and I think next time we will cut them out into Easter eggs.  I am in the tie dye mood because we will be wearing our tie dyes next weekend to honor Molly.  Sunday the 17th was her 58th birthday. 

 

 

It was a wonderful family weekend!

 

Valentines

 

Since Baylor is in school we, I, had fun making Valentine gifts for the 19 kids on the list they sent home last week.  Of course Pinterest was my best friend in helping me find easy and cute ideas for gifts.  I am pretty sure they ended up a bit over the top but once I get started on this stuff I cannot stop until we run out of supplies.  We started with sugar wafers, pink candy coating, and various Valentine sprinkles.  Baylor was interested for about five minutes but was a great assistant in that time. I melted the disks in a coffee mug in the microwave.  It made the dipping pretty easy even for a four year old.

 

 

And then we applied the sprinkles. 

 

And two packs of wafers later, we had these beautiful treats for the kids. 

 

And I dipped little pretzels in pink or chocolate coating and sprinkles. 

 

And finally we dipped pretzel rods in chocolate and then drizzled pink on them.

 

 

 

For me, we made pretzel s'mores.  I give up chocolate for Lent so I had to eat as much as I could to get through it!

 

For the treat bags I made leaf tags with the child's name on one side and Baylor's on the other.  I used the leaf and the cute cherry lollipops as a bag topper. 

 

Each bag has two wafers, two small pretzels, one pretzel rod, and the lollipop. I had to take them to the school yesterday so they could get all the Valentines together for each child. 

 

And earlier this week was Fat Tuesday and I made my usual King Cake!  Yum. 

Dream a Little Dream of Me

 

Tonight I cannot get the first lyrics of a song out of my head.  

 

Stars shining bright above you
night breezes seem to whisper
I love you
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me.

 

No doubt because of my thoughts of my dear Molly, who is now a star in the endless sky. Have you ever seen the Disney movie, "The Princess and the Frog"?  She is like Evangeline and Raymond, stars in the sky for us to look up to, talk to, believe in, wish upon. 

 

  I am not a religious person and I don't know what happens to us in death.  Like most people, I really do not want to think about it but when I do I cannot help but feel we have a soul, a spirit, an energy that makes us who we are on this earth.  Something has to animate this body of mine, a collection of chemicals and elements and a lot of water.  Another quote that has stayed with me for years goes something like, "Stars have died so that I could live".

The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics:
You are all stardust.
You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements — the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution — weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way they could get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.  Lawrence Krauss
 

I like to think we are made of stars and when we are done here, we can go home.  It is not as simple as that but I do think our energy goes on, back into the pool if we want to come back or move on or we can continue on as who we are looking out for those we left behind. 


Anyway,  January kind of came and went and I did not blog much.  Blame it on early onset Seasonal Affected Disorder or just laziness.  But we did visit Molly when she was in rehab for her broken hip.  She fell putting away at table after Christmas Eve service at her church.  She was in the bell choir and they were cleaning up.  The table was heavy and started to fall over. It caught her coat and she went down with it and knew she broke her hip when it happened.  She went to the hospital that night and on Christmas they did the surgery to fix her leg.  She called us that evening to tell me where she was and that she would not be able to make it for New Years this year.  She went to rehab for about a week and a half.  We visited on a Saturday and brought her the Christmas gifts we had for her since we always have Christmas at our New Years.  She loved her Sock Monkey sheets, rainbow socks, and assorted lavender items.  We both love lavender, fresh stems and scented items.  We both agreed on what was a good lavender scent and what was fake.  We both nailed it when we bought each other lavender items. 

 

Baylor loved her grabber she had in rehab.  It kept him playing there for longer then he would have without it to entertain him. 

 

We had a nice visit with her that day.  She was there for about a week and a half and then went to her brother's to finish her hip recovery.   The last day I spoke to her she was hoping to be home by February 9.  But apparently, things went downhill very fast in the last two and a half weeks, until this morning.  I am glad to have her as a friend.  She was there for me when I was living through a rough relationship and gave me advice I have passed on to several others.  She always let me know she would be there for me when I came through on the other side of the relationship drama.  I hope now she will be there for me on the other side when it is my turn to join the stars. 



Molly is now a Star

Karen called us at 6:30 this morning to tell us Molly became a star around 1:30 this morning.  Lori visited her yesterday and told her it was ok to let go and Karen said she had done the same later that day.  I guess she heard them.  Farewell my Molly!  We will be looking for you in the night sky. 

Stars are falling all around me

I am not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star.
Sojourner Truth

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

When I don't know what to say or how to wrap my thoughts around something, I turn to quotes from those that have the ability to put words in an order that makes sense to me.  Right now I feel death is all around me and I don't know how to think about it.  I can go weeks, months, even years without death being near but lately, right now, it is every where.  From beloved animals who are furry members of our families to beloved friends that you cannot imagine not being around.  Pragmatically I know death is a part of life. One line from a poem in high school has been with me over the years, "The paths of glory lead but to the grave." Thomas Gray.  It is always in the back of my mind when I think of death, mine or of the loss of others.  It does not matter what happens in life, it all ends the same.  But it does matter what we do, how we treat others, how we love and fight and care and hurt.  My thoughts are all over the place right now.  We visited Molly yesterday.  She knew we were there but is not responsive unless it is direct questions with just a simple answer. Her friend Karen was already there visiting and had been there Monday also.  I am glad she was there because I am not sure I would have lasted very long by myself after Baylor and Lori left.  Baylor was hungry and loud and four and she groaned pretty loudly at one point so Lori took him out to grab some food and have a picnic in the car.  He does not understand and was having a rough day anyway.  Molly's sister also showed up for few minutes and I gave her my number.  No one knows how to get a hold of me and since I don't live in Lancaster, I won't see anything in the paper.  She was not able to provide much insight into anything other than with the liver not working, toxins were building up in Molly's body and brain.  They are kind enough to muddle the brain so if she was in any pain, she would really not perceive it.  She did say it may only be days until she passes.  And she has many visitors, which is a good and bad thing.  She is not getting much rest (why she needed that at this point I was not sure) but then she was not alone often either (which is a good thing in my opinion).  I wanted to tell her so much but the words really would not come.  I was able to tell her I love her but other than that, I don't know what else I said.  I know I had Baylor tell her a few things as I held her hands.  He told her about school and he told her he loved her.  She did tell him she loved him too and later after he was gone, she did ask where he was.  I don't know if it was because the room was quiet again or she wanted him around.  I was there for about an hour and Karen and I left at the same time.  Molly was asleep and I just kissed her forehead and told her I would see her soon. 

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. ~Alice Walker 

Or fresh lavender in Molly's case.

When I got home I picked up my phone and I had text from Tara that Caemon, a sweet little boy I only know in the blogland, had passed earlier that day.  He has been battling leukemia for months and had a relapse the end of January. I cannot imagine their pain.  I cannot imagine how they are breathing today.  I have been reading the blog posts of other moms who knew him in life and in blogging.  Friends I have on FB that I did not know were also connected to this family posted about him passing.  It just makes the world seem so much smaller reading about how his passing is effecting so many people.     

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. ~Marcel Proust

I hope death finishes his work around here quickly and leaves.  I know that means he will be off bothering someone else, and I really do not wish that one anyone, but I have had enough for a while. But I know this is not over, and it will never be. 



Go Ravens!

Super Bowl Sunday means a trip to Bob's for good food and some football.  I really could care less about football, but I do like food!  Bob, my work wife or the guy I have been sitting across from for 9 years, puts out a lot off delicious food and the guest bring something to add to the party.  I usually bring dessert and this year I made brownie bottom caramel cheesecake.  I did not read the recipe for the brownie part and just made it according to the back of the box.  I am not sure where my head was but it worked out OK, just not as dense and chewy as it could have been.  Baylor did not nap that day and of course fell asleep in the car on the way to Bob's, which is about 18 minutes from our house.  It did not take him long to wake up and find Maddy to play with.  They see each other once a year and don't remember each other yet but they play well together.  She turned four today February 4.  She has a little brother Steven who is two.  The two kids made up several games to entertain each other. Which was nice as I was eating smoked ribs, mac and cheese, pasta salad, and various dips and appetizers. 

 

 

Then the kids found the dog toys and brought them all to Bob's Golden Retrievers and the Pom-mix they have.  The little dog did not like the kids especially Baylor.  He also lost a finger to that nippy one but we figured out how to avoid him and all was well after that. 

 

I have never ventured into the basement so this year we went down to check it out.  Baylor was taken by the pool table and I told him he had to ask Bob if he could play with it.  Bob was at his bar serving adult beverages as it was half time which is when the shots start.  Baylor went into the bar and was so cute trying to get Bob's attention to ask him if he could play with the pool table.  Bob is a happy drunk and happily told the kids they could.  All they wanted to do was bash the balls around anyway.

 

Maddy's Dad eventually put two bar chairs next to the table so it was easier for them to gather and roll the balls. 

 

When the lights were out in the stadium and Lori was falling asleep, we headed home.  Jen from work kindly took a few photos of us in our jerseys.  I had to wear it because they were playing otherwise I don't participate in the team spirit thing.  Lori reminded me that is was the last time the Raven's played in the Super Bowl that she asked me to marry her.  While we are married in VT, maybe soon we can be married for reals in the US.  Maybe. 

 

There is Bob!  Baylor was tired and did not want his photo taken so he was fighting it the whole time. 

 

So I carried him off in he preferred method, hanging from his feet. 

 

See the little dog eyeballing Baylor?  He wanted some of him! 

 

Maddy wanted her photo taken also.  Her parents were smart and brought jammies.  Baylor was asleep before we left Bob's neighborhood. 

 

We put him on the couch while I finished watching the game. Not that I really cared but it is Lori's team.  It was a good final quarter and I was worried they would not keep their lead but they did!   I woke her up for the last 10 seconds, which in football time is about 5 minutes long. She sort of saw them win.  And then I dressed Baylor in his jammies and we all headed to bed. Baylor wore his Ravens shirt to school today and the teachers told Lori they liked his shirt. It does have his name and year of birth on the back! As does mine.  Hopefully I won't have to wear it again next year though! 

I Hurt His Feelings

I was looking at Facebook and a friend posted photos of her dog that passed on Friday.  Baylor was asking questions like who was the dog (he had meet the dog several times before) and who was that (Julie, Amy and Cullen).  I told him the dog died.  So far most of the deaths that have happened in his life have been my parent's dogs, three of them in the last two years.  My grandma died in September but he did not know her.  He went to the funeral and did not ask a lot questions.  But this time with the death of Julie's dog he started asking more questions about death.  Like, is going to die, are we going to die?  When I said yes that we would die but not for a very long time, he kept asking me again and again if we were going to die.  I held him in my arms, tears running telling him yes we all die, but not for a long time.  He pushed me away and told me I hurt his feelings and he did not want me to cuddle him.  I think he needed some four year old processing time because by bedtime, 20 minutes later, we were friends again.
This morning I got a message on FB that my good friend Molly is now in hospice.  That explains why she is not responding to my text messages this week.  Linda said they don't know if Molly has days or weeks left, she has stopped eating and she is comfortable.  I need to call Linda today and I will be taking a day off this week to go see her.  Now my feelings are hurt.